The blue-eyed boy who wears a Bad Religion hoodie and drinks White Russians in Nice n Sleazys.
Clare has had a “lust at first sight” moment and is now infatuated with a stranger – so it would be nice to hook them up.
I didn’t go to Aberdeen – stupidly – but I have had a decent day, re-read my Muriel Spark book before I have to start my essay so I have a million ideas swirling around in my head. Got very frustrated trying to roll a joint though – why is nothing as easy as it looks?!
Tomorrow I’m going to the Dread(ful) which will in fact be Beauti(ful) as my lovely boy is going too. He has been uncommonly sweet today, sending me gorgeous wee messages out of the blue and lifting my spirits no end. Bless.
So, my essay. I’m thinking of doing the generic “write on the end of the book” question and using The Driver’s Seat and Villette as my examples – both of which have the most bizarre and frustrating conclusions EVER. Part of me longs to tackle the Nietzsche quotation but after risking it the last time and underachieving I figure I should keep it a bit less ambitious. Shame on you if you fool me once etc.
Have made plans to catch up with Stephen and John on Tuesday. Thank fuck. They’ve been my best pals for as long as I can remember but this year has really created a distance between us. I deny it whenever I can but I have to be honest, things just aren’t the same as they used to be. I think relationships make a lot of difference – the four of us (including Zoe) used to be very single so getting fucked up and pulling strange faces every weekend seemed like the best option. But now we are all relatively settled with a significant other so circumstances are very different. Pisses me off though, as I was the only one who was in and out of relationships throughout those crazy days so I feel a bit ditched now. I always had room in my life for them and for a boyfriend, whereas they obviously had other ideas.
It’s probably not entirely surprising that John is the one who has been most constant. Hasn’t he ALWAYS been the one who is most constant? But also there has never been any kind of indiscretion with me and John, he sees me as a sister and the platonic feelings are certainly mutual. However both Zoe and Stephen have kind of had more with me in the past. Cracks me up that when I was with David, Zoe told me that things with me and her HAD TO stay the same yet as soon as her boyfriend raises an objection our relationship completely changes. It’s different when she gets drunk though, the atmosphere is different. I think it makes her boyfriend uncomfortable, probably understandably. I don’t mind – me and Zoe couldn’t go on like that forever, knowing both of our characters – but the hypocrisy doesn’t escape me. Meanwhile, Mum waits till Stephen has a girlfriend to tell me that he proclaimed undying love one night I wasn’t out to hear it. That unsettled me. Obviously I was aware of the schoolboy/girl crushes or whatever, and I know we were prone to a very rare drunken moment of madness, but I genuinely thought we had established a friendship totally apart from all that. Yet I have been replaced, and by a lover. All very interesting. Nothing to do about it now, but I’m glad I found Jamie when I did. Or it could have been a very lonely year for me.
That’ll do for tonight. Looking forward to the weekend! Now, back to Muriel Spark…
Tags: aberdeen, clare, dreadnaught, john, muriel spark, stephen, zoe
